Ask Doc Rock | How to Love...Yourself
Dear Doc. Rock,
Whats a girl to do?
I can't help but think I am one of the prettiest, best looking girls around me in my town.
I tend to be catty to other girls and can't make solid friendships because of how wrapped up I am in myself, and it's really starting to affect me. I look at other girls and think to myself how much better I am than them, it's never the case when that I think "Wow that girl is pretty." or "Wow what nice hair she has".
No Rock, it's never like that, it's always, "My hair is so much more taken care of or she doesn't dress very well, she is probably low on cash". It's really so annoying and I know now it's not healthy and will get me into trouble when I decide to grow up and when I am in life on my own without my parents there to provide and guide me.
I've even went as far as taking pictures of myself with the lens cap on so I can ween off of the photo shoots with me and my camera but it really doesn't help.
I spend so much on clothes and make-up just for these shoots and it's just not worth it anymore...I could be saving for hair school or other important, more practical things.
I know I am a beautiful girl and I do get told that a lot but that's also another thing that eggs me on to love myself more.
Idk whats wrong with me...and I need your help please. Any suggestions..I know you have something to offer to me.
Yours Truly, Lost In Me
You sound a lot like a girl I know. This is what I think of her from me seeing her and knowing about her and the way she is, and the way you are. Our society is a very sexified one and puts A LOT of pressure on people to be the prettiest, the strongest, the bitchiest, the best at everything. Realistically though, no one is perfect. Problems like yours stem from a lot of different things. Often it's an attention issue. Growing up is hard for a lot of people especially in their teen years. Your parents are supposed to be a foundation from which you build yourself upon, if you have a bad foundation, the house can't stand.
It's so sad to see my friend jump from girlfriend to girlfriend and from boy...to boy....to boy. "This one is a keeper,....I'm gonna marry this one....OMG I love him.." But I realize, they don't have any interest in her except for sex and it's because she makes it so easily available in fear that she will be alone. What is important to remember is this "If you don't love yourself, no one can ever love you."
The attention my friend gets from men is not the attention she really needs. She attracts the assholes who aren't serious about any sort of relationship whatsoever. If you command respect from anyone, you must first show respect for yourself. Similarly to her, you might go out a lot and get so hammered you forget what you did the night before and WHO you did it with. No amount of alcohol can ever drown out the feelings you have and trying to force yourself to repress these feelings will only lead to trouble. All these efforts like putting the camera cap on...they're superficial, they won't help.
Here are some guidelines for you to start thinking about how you can love yourself the right way:
Do not Criticize You do not have to criticize yourself all the time. Criticism is not the answer and never changes anything. You do not need to put all the blame on yourself. Accept yourself for who you are and what you are in life. Everyone makes mistakes and the sooner that you realize that you are going to make them; the faster you will be able to move on. Do not be negative and think about the positive that you can do. When you are not criticizing yourself or others, you are going to see that you will feel more relaxed and motivated to move on. Do Not be Scared Do not dwell on the bad things in life. You have to stop think about the bad thought and fill your head with good ones. Having pleasures in life is the one way to feel good about you. When you are able to let go of the scary thoughts, you will see that you can have a more enjoyable and easier time finding love for yourself. Be Patient One of the most valuable lessons in life is to be patient. You have to give yourself time to learn new things. Treat yourself as you would anyone else that you really loved. Give yourself a break and realize that you will get there and have what you need. Do not rush yourself to do something. Patience is a great thing to have and when you learn it you will have a less stressful life and you will find more love in your heart. Give Yourself Praise Make sure that you believe in what you do. Praise yourself every chance that you get. You need to put some positive thoughts into your head so that you are able to have the good outlook on life that you deserve. Give yourself support and find ways to create more support for yourself. Lean on your friends and loved ones. They are there to help you as well and by doing this; you will feel better about who you are and what you have accomplished in life. Love your Body Remember that your body is very important to your happiness. If you are not happy with the way that you look, you have to do something about it. You will never really be happy unless you get healthy and turn into the person that you want to become. You have to eat right and do the proper amount of exercise. You need to put these things into your life so that you are able to motivate your body into doing the things that you want it to. Learn what you can about the different exercises that are good for you. Giving your body energy is one way to feel good inside and this will help you start to love yourself for who you are inside and out. Find your Inner Strength Giving yourself the support that you need from the inside out is important. You may want to search and do some digging to find out what your inner being is all about and who you want to become. You have to have some kind of power from deep within helping you through your journey. You need to be strong and think about what you want to have in your life. Think about how much you deserve to be happy and what you should be doing to get there. Pull this from your inner being. Be Spiritual You do not have to be someone that goes to church all the time to be spiritual. You do however have to find the one thing that makes you happy. The one thing that makes you feel good about how you life your life and what your purpose is. Once you have this, you will start to see that you are finding love in yourself and feeling good about what you are doing. Respect Yourself Giving respect is something that you have to learn. You also have to learn to give yourself respect. This is something that is very important and without it you will have nothing. You need to know that you are worth respect and that you are someone that can overcome anything because you know that you are someone that can do it. Respecting yourself will come with time and along with respect, you will soon start to love yourself as well. Have Goals Goals are so important to have at anytime. You need to make long term and short-term goals for yourself. You can make these goals for later on down the road and for today and tomorrow. As long as you have goals to work for, you will have the will to go on. As you accomplish your goals, you will fee the love from inside you. You will have found the purpose in your life and know that you can achieve what you put your mind to. Be Proud of Who You Are There is no way to hide from who you are and what you want. Like Ke$ha says, "You are who you are" and you should be proud of it. Giving yourself pride is something that will help you love yourself so you need to do things that make you feel good inside. Knowing that you have worked hard for something and that you deserve it is very important. Loving yourself is very important. You have to do this before you can love anyone else and with some work, you can achieve a great love for who you are and what you do in life.* I hope you find exactly what you're looking for.
All The Best, Rock