Updated: Apr 11
Dear Doc. Rock, I need your advice.
I have not had a boyfriend since high school and that one ended awful. I feel like I am always looking to try and get a boyfriend and it never works. I always jump to "oh he could be my boyfriend," but then I pick out flaws, or I tell myself that I am not good enough for him or lose interest. This has really started to bother me again and I am scared that I am going to end up alone.
When I drink with my friends I think about it and then drink way too much to the point I wake up the next morning not knowing what happened the night before.
There's a guy at my school I have had a crush on since freshman year, but I made the dumb decision, when I was drunk, to sleep with him. I tried making something work and then I found out he's sleeping with like 4 other girls on campus. I just don't know what to do with my life anymore, it bothers me everyday knowing that my ex-boyfriend screwed me over and he is happy now and I am not.
I really need your advice because this is starting to affect my grades at school. I feel like I am ugly and that no one is ever going to want to be with me, or that only creepy guys go for me. I make up excuses or make my schedule so busy so I can avoid hanging out with guys alone just because it makes me feel uncomfortable. I feel like I am not good enough for anyone anymore. I need your advice. Sincerely, Forever Alone
First off, there is NOTHING wrong with being alone and independent, let's be clear on that. Secondly, STOP LOOKING FOR LOVE. Let it find you. Someone asked a similar question a while back and I will tell you what I told them: There is someone out there for everyone. You're not doing yourself ANY good by avoiding social situations, in fact, you're only hurting yourself. How can you expect to meet anyone if you're always alone? Plus, being alone just gives you more time to dwell on, and think about, being alone.
It's a vicious circle.
What really concerns me is your drinking.
I have seen many people in my life be destroyed by alcohol. I have always been an advocate of being responsible when going out and having a good time. If I don't have a designated driver, I will only have one drink and most times I go out and I AM the D.D. because I can still have a great time with my friends AND I can make sure everyone gets home safe.
It only takes ONE time for something to go wrong that could ruin or end your life or someone else's. Please, please, PLEASE do yourself a favor and don't drink to the point of oblivion. Drinking will NEVER solve your problems, it's only temporary and doesn't accomplish anything positive.
When it comes to dating, I believe that the best relationships are the ones that started as friendships first. Go out and make friends. Join your other friends and as a group just enjoy each others' company and who knows if you'll meet a guy in that setting. It'll make you feel more comfortable and have no pressure.
I'm sure you have so much to be thankful for even though you don't see it. Take time for yourself and to get YOU in the right place. Once you do that, you'll see everything else will fall into place.
Don't settle for any sort of bullshit, if a guy cannot commit to you and only you then he has no place in your life. It's disrespect to you, to the other girls and to himself and those are not the people you want to surround yourself with. I have the most confidence that you will DEFINITELY overcome this and I wish you only the best! Stay Positive,