Updated: Apr 11, 2022
Dear Doc. Rock,
I've been with my boyfriend for 5 months now and I'm unsure if this will work for the long term. We were super in love and completely gung-ho for each other in the beginning...but then again...who isn't right???
We've come across a few bumps in the road that have compromised my trust in him. (Nothing concrete like cheating. But I suspect he is talking to other girls.) I have had trust issues with past relationships and have been hurt deeply. I don't like the fact that he deems his phone and other personal electronics private, which means I'm not permitted to pick up his phone at any time.
If you're in a committed, serious relationship, I feel like there should be nothing to hold back. I would personally feel more reassurance if he was open about me picking up his phone or whatever. Am I overreacting? Sincerely, Losing Hope
I want to make one thing clear, talking to other girls IS CHEATING. If his focus is off of you and on another women, then there is no reason to stick around and be treated like an option when you deserve to be a priority.
The whole "my phone is off limits" thing is absolutely a sign that he is not being completely honest with you and that is a serious problem. As I've said many times before, TRUST and COMMUNICATION are the two most influential things to have a strong relationship and they go hand-in-hand.
If you are seeing red flags, it's time for you to speak up. While you may not want to hear what may (or may not) be going on, it's necessary that you do. If you're already unsure how this will work out in the long-term, then it's clear that something needs to happen.
This is all speculation of course, and you should approach it as him being honest...but don't be a fool. No one likes to be played. Like Sweet Brown says in her famous viral video: "AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FAH DAT." Best Wishes and Good Luck,