Ask Doc Rock | Time to Move On?
Updated: Apr 14, 2020
Yo Doc Rock, So, me and my ex broke up. I am still caught up on him, but recently started to text another guy. It's weird cause I do not know if I like him because he can help me get over my ex, or if i truly like him. Oh, and by the way, I am a boy. I can not talk to my friends because they do not know I am bi/gay. Help. Signed, Closet Case
Dear Closet Case,
Ending a relationship is a hard time for a lot of people. Many things determine how hard the break up is, such as how long you were together and what caused the downfall in the relationship. After the breakup there's almost always a period of time where you are most sensitive and still in "I want a relationship mode" so you cling to the first person who begins to show attention. People usually refer to this as the "rebound" period. The problem is, as you described, you tend to get unsure feelings about this new person when you make them your "rebound guy". The best advice I could give is really take a step back and see where you stand with this guy. Is he just trying to be there for you? What are his intentions? What are yours? You might really benefit from taking a break from being in a relationship right now. Stay friends with this new guy for now that way you can become good friends before you begin a serious relationship. This rule goes for ALL relationship regardless of sexual orientation. All good relationships are formed from stronger friendships. Explain where you stand with him and let him know that you need time. If he sticks around and is willing to work through it with you, then it proves he's really interested in you.
As far as not being able to go to your friends for advice because they don't know about you being gay/bisexual, the time will come for you when you are ready to let those closest to you know that you are. In high school I saw a lot of people come out and it was a hard time for a few of them, but in the end, they didn't regret it because they felt more free and able to be who they truly are.
Your true friends will stick by you when you need them. My Best Wishes to You in Your Love Life,